Owen

I can't believe that my *baby* will be THREE in less than three weeks. Time has flown by, and the old saying of how the days are so long but the years are short is very true. When I think back to when Claire was born, or his birthday last year, the changes and growth in him is incredible. He is talking a lot more now (although still definitely behind his peers), and has a great imagination. He is completely potty trained (except at night, we still do a pull up) and is really in to being a "big boy".

Some days I completely forget that he has NF1, but then I take off his shirt for bath and see his CAL's and am reminded. This time of year is always busy with appointments for him - the geneticist, the dermatologist, opthalmologist, and pediatrician. He takes it all in stride and does great at his appointments. And so far, every doctor is pleased with how great he seems to be doing. We are waiting on a call back from the county to get him back in therapy. Once he turns three he gets free preschool and therapy from the county so we are anxiously waiting to hear how often he will get to go and where.

Hmmm, what else can I say about this little one? He is amazing. He might throw tantrums, or hit or yell, he might annoy the hell out of me some days with his whining and attitude, but at the end of the day I am so thankful to have him in my life and get to call him my son. He just learns new things every minute it seems, and picks up on so much. He is the sweetest boy when he wants to be, will rub my head and back if I seem sad, and if I get upset he always says sorry and hugs me. He wants hugs and kisses and to hold my hand, and he wants me to hold him whenever I can. I am so lucky to be his mama.

Trying to keep up

I am ::thisclose:: to giving up on my blog, or just going private so I can update as I please, but I feel like I want to try to keep up. Life with 2 kids (and an EBF little girl who hates sleep) is very hard, but I do want to remember some of the moments in our lives.

Claire is 6 months old. Almost 7 months. Crazy, crazy, crazy. She is sitting up on her own, eats two meals a day, and we are still breastfeeding - which I am so proud of! She is trying to crawl, loves to observe everything and everyone and is so serious. It's amazing how different she is from O when he was a baby. He was so laid back, happy and went to anyone with open arms. Claire definitely prefers me, and has to warm up before gracing anyone with her beautiful smile or infectious giggle. She is just such a blessing, I am loving having a daughter. I can't believe this beautiful girl is MY daughter

Owen. What can be said about this little boy who is almost 3? I can't believe he will be 3 in just a month. He definitely has his days of defiance, tantrums and general three year old behavior. But he loves to play, color, "read", play with trucks and cars, loves Toy Story, Lion King and Cars, and he is just a nut. He is doing better with speech, and while he isn't quite up to speed with his peers, he is doing so much better. He knows his ABC's and can identify letters and spell his name, he can count past ten, knows his shapes and colors. He is amazing. He is pretty good with Claire. It seems like now that she is sitting up and playing with toys he is getting a little more rough and a little jealous, but he gives her more kisses then smacks and he is always very concerned if she is crying or drops her toys. He is an awesome big brother.

I am so blessed to have these two in my life

Why I Haven't Updated in almost 2 months

I have two kids now. TWO. It still blows my mind. Let's see... what's been going on in the past almost 8 weeks. Claire is growing and thriving, and we are slowly starting to get in to somewhat of a routine. She is exclusively breastfed and it's actually working this time (maybe a little too well, but more on that later). We have a good nighttime routine and typically R and I are downstairs with everyone bathed and both kids in bed by 8:30, which is pretty good. Claire sleeps about 6 hours or so and is up around 2 or 3, then again at 5 or 6 - at that point I just bring her to bed with us to nurse, doze and snuggle.

She is definitely different than Owen. She doesn't have colic like he did, where he would cry for 4 or 5 hours every night at the same time. But she has days where she will cry all day. Some days she won't nap once for an entire day and scream because she is exhausted. Some days she will sleep all day and only wake up to eat. And some days she is a "normal" newborn who eats, sleeps, poops and is happy. The one thing she loves is me and my boobs. She is starting to warm up to other people and R, but prefers me. She eats on demand, and the chunker is already over 11 pounds. She hates a pacifier and bottle, so needless to say - she is pretty attached to me.

Owen is awesome with her about 90% of the time. There are some random moments of jealousy or where he is too excited or just in a mood where is a little too rough. For the most part, he LOVES her. He gives her kisses, pets her, tells her its ok when she cries, gets her blanket or tries to share his toys and food with her, and it is the cutest thing to hear him yell "Hi Mama, Hi Claire" when he sees us. The way he says her name is adorable, it melts my heart. We have had some issues with O's behavior lately. A mixture of jealousy, uncertainty and the terrible (awful,horrible, nasty) twos. His favorite word is NO or mine, he wants what he wants when he wants it or watch out. He hits, kicks, and a new thing is spit. We are working on it, but disciplining a toddler is hard because he either doesn't understand what we say, or freaks out, and we don't want to hit.

It's definitely been a big adjustment in some ways, like finding time for Owen and I or getting anything done around the house. Juggling a newborn and a toddlers needs can be demanding, and I constantly have to watch Owen around her because he doesn't get that he can't pick her up or roll over her. I can't even believe how much I love her and how I love seeing our little family. There is a lot that we still need to figure out to get ourselves settled, but we are getting there slowly but surely.

She's Here!

Claire Jean was born at 9:46 pm on 8/9/2011, weighing 8 pounds 5 ounces (same as her big brother!) and 21 inches long. We are home and getting settled, but O loves his new little sister.

An Angry Rant

Owen is in speech therapy - or I should say was in speech therapy. He has an expressive language delay, which basically means that he can't speak well or say the things he wants to, which is extremely frustrating for him and for us. He can understand everything we say, follow instructions, listen to stories and understand everything around him. He just can't get the words out to express himself.

He was a late babbler and late with first words. We knew with NF that there was a possibility of learning delays and other developmental issues, and I thank God every day that all we really have to deal with is speech. Because of his NF his pediatrician was very proactive in putting him in therapy early, which we did. And then discovered that Aetna doesn't cover speech therapy unless it is a loss of speech due to injury, which obviously he doesn't have. So we quit private therapy and went through the state of NC. It was fabulous, it was easy, he automatically qualified for services because of his NF, and within 2 weeks of speaking to a case worker O started therapy at daycare once a week - free of charge.

We love his therapist, she is so great with him. And with us. She always sent home notes, ideas, tips, things to do to work with him. Owen began to make more sounds, try harder to talk and to imitate. Granted, he still didn't say much that made sense, but was making the effort to communicate with us a lot more. We had therapy for about 6 months and then our case worker called saying the state was doing a budget review and finances were being changed, so we might have to come out of pocket for some cost of therapy. They needed our 2010 1040 and insurance card and would work up the numbers. No big deal.

On July 1st, the CDSA changed how they ran the program and the way that services were charged. Since our insurance covers $0 of therapy, we were now responsible for a certain percentage of the cost of each session. To the tune of 80%, or a little more than $80 a week. We argued that our 2010 1040 was not accurate for our situation now since I no longer work and we are missing almost half our income, we argued that he has a genetic condition that puts him in the program, we argued back and forth with the people in charge for weeks about how he needs the services and we can't do $350 extra a month with me not working and quite out of the blue. What we were assured was a minimal change to services now means that Owen does not get therapy at all. We had to stop completely and it PISSES ME OFF to no end.

My child needs to receive services. Why is nothing covered by health insurance (that we pay a good chunk of money for)? Why did the state make cuts to programs that are so desperately needed by many children? Because of all of this, I get to feel like a crappy mother who can't provide the help that her child needs. Will Owen never talk? No, of course not. He is already talking more and making a lot of progress. And thanks to his awesome therapist, I have the tools to work with him. But still, there is something to be said for a state that cuts money and corners where it is most needed.

35 weeks, aka HOLY CRAP

I haven't posted in forever, and that is in part due to being home full time with Owen and having zero time, partly due to us traveling, and party due to me not having a ton to say. Somehow though, 9 weeks have zipped by and seeing as I have 33 days left to my due date that makes me very afraid.

How far along? 35w2d

Total weight gain/loss: Up 22 pounds
Maternity clothes? Yes
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: AWFUL. I have insomnia, heartburn, sciatica, pee 10 times a night and basically am miserable
Best moment this week: O loves to hug the belly and give kisses
Movement: YES
Food cravings: None, really
Gender: Girl
Labor Signs: Braxton hicks and some real contractions
Belly Button in or out? In, barely
What I miss: Sleep, wine, sanity
What I am looking forward to: Having this baby
Milestones: Almost a month left to go

Here is the belly as of today. I feel huge and somehow she is simultaneously in my ribs and on my bladder constantly.

Will update with some nursery photos soon, we are almost done!

Differences this go round

There is some definite change and difference between this pregnancy and the one I had with Owen. This time I kind of know what to expect, and what feels "normal". I am not as anxious or jumpy over everything. I don't call my OB for every twinge or problem, but wait it out if it's minor or I can handle it. I don't have a linea negra this time - or at least not yet. I haven't started leaking milk yet, which started at 24w with Owen. I also am not swollen and my BP is great. I feel sick most days this time, where I felt great with Owen the entire pregnancy.

The biggest difference this time is my emotions. I am so not ready for this baby girl to get here. I have less than 11 weeks to go and I know it will fly by, as most of this pregnancy has. I couldn't wait to hold O, see what he would look like, give birth and get on with it, and now I want her to stay in for as long as she can so I can have time. We have nothing done, the nursery is a mess, I have not bought her any clothes other than a couple little onesies, we have no name and feel unprepared. But totally prepared at the same time because we know what to do with a newborn this time. We know how to change diapers, we are armed with ten different ways to soothe her if she gets reflux and colic. I know that every little whimper doesn't mean I have to drop everything and be by her side constantly.

My anxiety level is different this time, and I am more anxious for Owen and how he will adjust and deal with having a baby in the house than I am about having this baby. I worry about our little family changing, and sometimes wonder what we were thinking having another one when life is so good for us as a family of three. But I know she will make us change for the better and fill out our family. It is very different being pregnant this time, and I can't wait to see how different life will be as a family of 4.